Grand Salami Routs Holy Communion

Hot, tired and generally lethargic, the Saints arrived at Holy Communion Tuesday afternoon only to be confronted by those early season purveyors of anguish: the Coach Cox-led Holy Communion team that inflicted the 11-10 Heartbreaker at Snowden Field back in early May.

Resolved to the avenge their lone defeat of the season -- the one blemish standing between them and a perfect regular season record -- the Anchormen did what they have done all season: wielded the lumber with malicious intent.

Nino the Firestarter did what he always does: got the rally started out of the gates with a seeing-eye grounder past the pitcher. Owen followed with an infield knock to short. With the bases getting cluttered, Whit scooted one past short for the inning's third consecutive single. With Sonny menacingly pounding the plate with his Thunderstick, clearly intent on mauling whatever pitched ball tried to sneak by him, everybody in the park was paying attention.

But Sonny just missed his pitch and legged out an RBI-single to short. As Sonny took his place at first, the Holy Communion bench sighed in relief, fully aware that that transaction could have proven far more costly than it did.

Then Zach strode to the plate, straddled the batter's box and went salami -- the Anchormen's first grand slam of the season. It was a no-doubter on contact: he slapped a hard liner down the first base line and well past the right fielder. Owen could walk home, and Whit only needed a light jog. But Sonny had to hoof it hard to stay ahead of Zach, whose long-legged strides had him rounding third before the right fielder had run down the ball.

T-Dog whiffed on some beautiful cuts, but Brian cranked a hard one to short for an infield hit. Berent drove home the mercy rule-inducing sixth run of the inning with a smoking double to left.

In a rosin bag, that is the story of the James Gang's year at the plate: the sluggers have mashed 131 hits in 199 at-bats for a .658 average while outscoring their opponents 90-39 -- a per-game run differential of 13-6. So while their lumber has been an awe-inspiring weapon, their leather has not been too shabby as they have held their opponents to 51 fewer runs than they've scored.

But when Holy Communion came to the plate in the first inning, the Saints were flashing back to May 14 when the Cox Nine whiffed a mere two times while methodically adding crooked numbers to the scoreboard on a barrage of singles and GSL fielding errors. The Anchormen were determined not to let that happen again.

Nino fielded a hot shot at second but had to put it in his pocket. After an untimely K by the No. 2 hitter, the No. 3 hitter stroked a ball that scooted by T-Dog in center for an RBI-double. After a shot to right skipped past Khalid for an RBI-single, the Saints recorded another Whit-to-Owen, pitcher-to-first putout. Then Owen scooped up a slow roller for the third out of the inning.

While pleased with only allowing two runs, the Saints' halos were chapped by two errors that led to two runs. It is a law of baseball physics: errors lead to runs.

With the bottom of the lineup at the dish in the top of the second, Eubank got another rally started with a shot to left that put him on the keystone thanks to some good hustle. Nino got a rare RBI from the one-hole with a double to right that scored Eubank. Owen hit another shot to left, scoring Nino on a single. And then Whit stepped up and launched a beautifully-arched, two-run rainmaker, his second dinger of the year.

After scorching one just foul of third base, Sonny poked one to right for a single -- a beautiful job of hitting. With two strikes, he shortened his swing and took it the other way. Zach experienced the humbling nature of this game when he whiffed unceremoniously just an inning after hitting the jackpot amid hoots and hollers. And don't talk to T-Dog about humbling -- despite some textbook cuts at the ball, he whiffed for the second consecutive time for the third out of the inning.

At 10-2 heading into the home half of the second, it was perfectly clear what the Saints had to do: catch the ball, throw the ball. But they weren't given the opportunity as the Holy Communion team that only whiffed twice during the entire four innings on May 14, whiffed three times in the first eight batters. Whit snagged a soft grounder for the third out, and the Saints notched a shut-out inning -- every bit as important as its polar opposite, the six-run mercy rule inning.

Finally being able to breathe easy with a 10-2 third inning lead, the Saints immediately began staging another offensive rally with singles by Brian, Berent and Khalid sandwiching a whiff by Eubank. Nino recorded a productive ground-out to first by driving in Eubank -- for another rare RBI from the No. 1 slot. Owen tapped one past the pitcher that scored a hustling Berent. But Whit suffered a painful 7-pitch whiff.

A 12-2 lead in the bottom of the third spawned a false sense of security among the sunflower seed-obsessed Anchormen. When the baseball gods peer down on one of their magnificent diamonds (or even one of their not-so-magnificent diamonds), they are quick to notice any disrespect of the game. And hell hath no fury like a baseball god disrespected.

The Saints took the field in the third frame under an ominous sign -- the coach inadvertently fielded the fourth-inning defensive unit instead of the third-inning squad, on oversight that disrupted the team's karma. Five fielding errors and six runs later, the stunned Saints were huddled dazed and confused on the first base line as the coach pleaded for the Anchormen to focus on catching the ball and throwing the ball.

12-8 was clearly unacceptably close, and the baseball gods -- apparently satisfied with the mercy-rule spanking handed to the chastised Saints -- blessed the Good Guys with Sonny Thunderstick leading off the inning. When Sonny steps to the plate and pounds the dish with that threatening grimace , mothers in the stands twitch with a protective urge to fetch their sons from any potential path No. 52 may choose to send his rocket launches.

Having sprayed the ball all over the field thus far, Sonny locked in left field for his fourth-inning scorcher. When the smoke cleared and Holy Communion still had 10 relatively unharmed boys in the field, mothers exhaled in relief.

While Sonny carries a big stick, he also tends to clog the bases -- but Zach had an answer for that in the first with his slammie. Now, in the fourth, he looked to ease Sonny's path home again, this time by belting a triple to right field.

T-Dog took the dreaded hat trick with his third whiff of the game, and his evident disgust was in danger of spreading along the bench. But Brian picked up his teammate with a timely, beautiful stroke to center to score Zach. At 14-8 the Saints were butter -- they were on a roll. Both Berent and Eubank legged out bleeders to second with Eubank scoring Brian. Khalid whiffed and Nino continued making the case that RBI from the one hole are not that rare after all with a two-run triple to left. Owen triggered the mercy rule with an RBI-single to center.

At 18-8 in the home half of the final inning, Holy Communion was batting for pride because there would be no winner, winner, chicken dinner for them on this night. And with no way to lose the game, the Saints lollygagged the final frame by giving up four runs on five hits and an error. It appeared that the only thing that would stop the Holy Communion bats was the mercy rule, but they stopped themselves with two more Ks to end the game.

It started with a bang, was full of moments of brilliance and was marred by its share of blemishes, but it was a game in which each of the 10 Saints battled heat and exhaustion, man upped for four innings against a scrappy baseball team and reached deep for that little extra something to finish the regular season on a high note en route to a 6-1 record.

Saints win! Saints win! Saints win!

Game Leaders:
Owen: 4/4, 4 runs, 3 RBI, 2 putouts, assist
Sonny: 3/3, 2 runs, RBI
Brian: 3/3, 3 runs, RBI
Berent: 3/3, 2 runs, double, RBI
Nino: 3/4, 3 runs, double, triple, 4 RBI, assist
Zach: 2/3, grand slam, triple, 5 RBI, 2 runs, putout
Whit: 2/3, 2 runs, 2-run homer run, 2 RBI, 2 putouts, assist